So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
