you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
