I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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