I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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