Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
