he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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