I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
