I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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