New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
