note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
