she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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