Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
