I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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