I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
