dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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