Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize