someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have demons in me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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