what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
