oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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