been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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