also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
