I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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