his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize