If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize