they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
