yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
