I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
