Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
