i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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