the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
