I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
