Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
