I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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