I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
