Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
