is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
