Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
only you would photoshop your dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
