Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
