have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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