Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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