I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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