Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
