see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
