I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize