I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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