You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize