He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
