There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
