Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
