I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
