nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
