So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
