im drinking this country out of the recession.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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