I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
