I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
