Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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