Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize