My hand turned me down
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize