People in love make me want to vomit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize