i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
