How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
