My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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