dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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