If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
