I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
