Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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