im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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