did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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