oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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