This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
