Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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