I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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