i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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