Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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