Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize