She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
