So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
