When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
