At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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