tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
