Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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