I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
