Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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