i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
