trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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