even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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