Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
