he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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