You can't motorboat a personality
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize