So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
vagina is talking i cant
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
