guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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