Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize