She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everyone says I win the strip club
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
