Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
