Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
