We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
