Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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