There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
